Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
