I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love you.
Bad choice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
