Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
