those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
