How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
