His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
