I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
