I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize