I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
