kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
