Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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