he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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