would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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