My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
