yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
