Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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