hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
