Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
