Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
