Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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