Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
