it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
