then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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