I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
