Cold hands, warm shart.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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