i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize