Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
