I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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