I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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