There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
