This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
