she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
