New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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