..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
