He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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