He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
