based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
