It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
