Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need moral support for this bender
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
