Porn is love you can see.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
