Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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