Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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