I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
