A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize