I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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