If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
