I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
