your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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