I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
