Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
