he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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