Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you win again, gameday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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