Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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