I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
