Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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