look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
