I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
