Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
