this just has baby written all over it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
