I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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